Are Chinese mothers superior in raising successful kids?
March 4, 2013
Read this article about the super-strict parenting style of so-called “Tiger Mothers.” Their tactics seem to keep kids on track to success — but at what cost? Could any of the tiger mom strategies be used in juvenile corrections? Why or why not? What do we think about this style of parenting? Was anyone raised by a Tigerish mom?
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CJS-360 Diversity Issues 
This article was very interesting. I have been both the “tiger mom” and “western mom” at different times – depending on the day! This parenting style does seem to keep kids on track and to become successful. It would be very interesting to hear from some of the kids that have this style parenting. Maybe these kids find it normal because that’s what they know, and how their home is run. I do feel like it is a bit extreme, kids should be allowed to just be kids. Of course you want the best for them and want them to be smart, successful, respectful and disciplined. I also would agree that in the US we are more lenient and maybe even a bit lazy at times. These “tiger moms” need to have so much discipline and be able to follow through on their tactics – that is not an easy thing to do. I really cannot imagine my kids not being able to see their friends, participate in a play, or having to practice their instruments for hours on end. I am not that disciplined, can I expect my kids to be? Childhood goes by too quickly and I believe kids should have some fun and down time. My kids get the most creative when given free time to just “play”. There are times for working hard, getting your work done, and teaching them responsibility, just like there is time for play. I don’t necessarily think this parenting style is wrong, it is just different from what we are used to and we could learn something from it. Tiger moms do have a good idea about not running all over the place to six different activities and just focusing on doing really, really well on a few activities. There may be a balance of both styles, they should be mixed together because you can see in the US that some kids are obviously not getting enough “tough love”, and that is how they end up in trouble. There is a fine line you have to find as a parent and then just do your best.
As far as tiger mom strategies being used in juvenile facilities, I say go for it! Kids end up there for many, many reasons, and there is not one clear answer. I would think that this style would work well because many of the kids that end up in a juvenile detention center have not been given boundaries or clear direction in their life. Kids need clear cut boundaries to feel safe and loved, and to grow into responsible adults.
As a child I felt like I was raised by a “tiger” mom. My mother was very strict, she didn’t allow me to receive boy phone calls until I was in my freshmen year of high school. I had to do my homework and make sure it was all right in order to be able to go outside and play with my friends. Her way of discipline was very strict compared to my friends, until I met my friend Melissa Ng. Her parents didn’t allow her to do anything, every time I would ask to play with her, her parents would tell me she’s studying. Back then I didn’t understand why they didn’t allow her to enjoy her childhood but looking at it now as an adult, it’s understandable. You want the best for your children and this “tiger parenting” method is the safest way to go. Being too lenient with your child can lead them to the path of destruction.
I do believe that the “tiger” parenting method being used in juvenile corrections would help drastically. Most children from my experience act up and act out because they feel like they don’t have nothing or nobody who cares. This strict way of parenting not only shows someone cares but that someone cares enough not to give up until they see results. If more institutions used this method I’m sure there will be less juveniles returning to corrections.
I also agree with the “tiger mom” philosophy. I think the story she told about Lulu shows that practice makes perfect. It also shows that achieving something and not giving up is a good way to build confidence. I thought this article was interesting because it distinguishes between western parenting and Chinese parenting. I think being proactive in your child’s life and not letting the give up on things is important when raising children. I also agree that “tiger” parenting method being used in the juvenile system would help a lot. I think this because if parents were more involved and strict on their children it would deter them from committing any crime which would keep them out the juvenile system.
It is interesting to read about the distinction and diversity differences between Chinese and Western parenting styles. The underlying philosophies are so differing and that’s what sets these students apart. There is no biological or genetic reasoning that the Chinese students dominate the science and mathematics fields, its literally drilled into them at home. I think that Westerns believe that kids should be kids and that all the learning should happen at school. Unfortunately it’s that mindset that has caused Americans to rank below other countries in math, science and literacy. We should consider the differences in parenting styles and consider modifying our households and holding our own children to higher standards. What is notable when culturally comparing these groups of students is that the Chinese students less often become entangled in the juvenile justice system as American children do.
Guys we all want the best for our children , but we know stuff that can go on across the oceans can’t happen here in America. I feel the USA in many ways changes how family’s are rised once they get here. If we look at Hmongs or Somalians we took away their history because we feel its wrong or bad what they do or how they do it. So it doesn’t matter if it a Tigar mother or Tigar cub we will never accept parenting styles that don’t fit our beliefs. Like J G said we need to consider modifying our households and hold our children to a higher standards . Lets become better parents and stop letting the YMCA, Ps3 or the new IPAD rise our children. If we don’t change now ———- you feel it in.
I believe that every mother has their own method on raising their children. However, in America we have less traditional views on parenting then those of the Asian decent. Those of the Asian decent do tend to be more strict with their children in order to gain obedience. I think that if there weren’t any rules there would be no order, which explains why in this article they describe Asian mothers as not tolerating any disobedient behavior. There is no correct way to parent your children, everyone has their different techniques or styles of parenting. I do belive however, that we should not be so judgemental when it comes to different parenting styles from different cultures. Every culture has their own distinct morals and beliefs and if they want to instill that type of structure into their child it is entirely up to them. I know that in the article it states how these children were not allowed to do anything that involved any sort of freedom which I tend to not completely agree with. I think children should be able to have a moderate amount of freedom and exposure to new things in order to develop social skills. While the fundamentals of obedience, structure and knowledge are important for children to succeed in this world, developing social skills is also a huge necessity in order to live a satisfying life.
I think that this article corresponded with the discussion in class on how Asian children are stereotyped to have higher IQ levels and are more gifted in the Fine Arts. I do believe, however, that Asian Americans are becoming increasingly westernized in how they nurture their children. That throughout the years they have been slowly pulling away from the traditions of their country. Lately this has become more common, to raise your children in a less strict sense. I think that traditionally the way Asians raise their children is about obedience but more so about bringing honor to their family name.
Washro, I believe i’m a tiger mom and a western mom. I treat my son different than my daughter only because he almost didn’t make it into this world. I think sometimes I fill guilty and let him get away with far more stuff than I let my daughter get away with. My mother wasn’t around when i was growing up, I was raised by my great aunt and my grandmother and they were both tiger moms. My willingness to succeed in everything I touch is from them that is why I push my children so hard and maybe one more than the other but only because I want to seem they grow as individuals!
I want the name to show up as washro not rochelle
I was born into a Hmong family and my parents were strict on me throughout my years in school. Even now they are still strict to me about my education. Every day when I come home from school, the first then that I do is take out all my homework and stack them up on each other and the only goal that I had was to make sure that this stack of homework is completed by 5pm. This daily routine was suppose to keep me away from being involved in juvenile activities, which it did because I was busy reaching my goal and not having to think about the other things that can be a distraction in my studies. I think that these method may work for some children but not all because it really depends on how they were raised. If the parents are consider as friends, these methods will not work because there is no authority role shown in the parenting role.
I think authority is important in the “parent role”, but to what extent? It sounds like some of the parents described in the article are one step away from dressing their children in a uniform, using ranks instead of age, and swapping “mom and dad” for “ma’am and sir”. I feel like this “tiger-mom” mentality is appealing to parents who want to brag about their children to their peers, more than they want to have a healthy relationship with their kids. In my opinion, if you want a “child” that looks good on a piece of paper, get a dog and teach it some awesome tricks. If you want a child that will take care of you when you’re old, and enjoy a rich social life (networking is important) – then drop the authoritarian mentality and give them some room to breathe. Attention to academic and musical achievement is important, but it needs to be enforced in moderation.
On a side-note: I feel that the phrase “tiger-mom” is racist and stereotyping all Asian mothers, and should not be used.
My step-mom was sort of a “tiger mom”. My parents were very strict with me and even made my teachers sign an assignment notebook everyday to make sure I was on track. I wasn’t allowed to hang out with friends on school nights and always had to have my homework done before anything else. At the time I hated the discipline because none of my other friends had such rules. Now that I look back, I am grateful for the discipline and will probably do the same with my kids when I have them. My parents are totally different now with my younger siblings, they have way more freedom. They also had an 8th grade Chinese foreign exchange student stay with them two years ago. He could not believe the freedom that American kids had. Where he was from, children went to boarding school 6 days a week, where you had class from 6am-9pm with an hour break in between (not including time needed for homework). They do this in preparation for a test at the end of 8th grade to see if you are “smart enough” to go onto school, or if you went to work. I would definatly say that kids need to have some freedoms- sleepovers, choosing if they want to be in sports or plays. I also think that a lot of kids could benefit from having a few more rules. Kids have a lot less time to get into trouble when they are constantly studying, or at practice of some sort.
Personally I don’t agree with the style of parenting most Chinese families implement. I feel like it’s too demanding and almost brainwashes the child. It takes away any of their hopes and doesn’t really let them become their own person. I do know the Chinese culture puts an emphasis on a collectivist culture and it this method of parenting works. I am not going to argue that it doesn’t, I am only going to voice my opinion. The only thing I agree with or understand why they would be so strict on their kids is how it reflects the success of the parent in how they raised their child. Even then, there is no law or set standard telling us how to raise our kids, so success is in the eyes of the beholder. The way the Chinese raise their kids to me seems like they are forcing them to dawn activities that the parents like or think is important. I just have a problem with not letting the child decide what they want to do. I don’t think I could force my kid to practice an instrument they have no interest in playing and force them to miss a friend’s birthday. That’s another thing, sure your kid maybe the best student, but you are keeping them from experiencing what makes us human, communication and forming relationships with other humans, I would much rather have a human for a child than a highly successful machine with no friends. Once again this is my personal opinion and if you want to raise your kid the Eastern way, by all means go for it. In the end it’s our choice and our kids. We can do what we think is best for them. I will also admit that being a Westerner myself I have a bias. Although I would like to think that I was raised in between the spectrum of Western and Eastern style of parenting. Finding a happy medium is definitely something I will try to achieve with my kids.